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  • Archive for the ‘The Question-asker’ Category

    Beer bellies and sagging


    2010 - 07.20

    This is a post primarily about the videogame World of Warcraft. Just thought I’d let you know up front, in case you were wonder. Also, there may be mild spoilers for Dragon Age.

    On a recent guild trip to ICC we had one person on their first ever visit, and another who, although a frequent visitor, had never healed there. Naturally, we made sure to switch the buff off as we’re very cruel to give them the “real ICC experience” before they had a chance to steamroller the first 6 bosses raiding +buff. Much fun was had.

    Aaaaanyway, we might have spent a little longer than usual “practicing” with the jetpacks when we got to the Gunship encounter. That’s the only excuse I have for finding myself admiring one of the dwarven deckhands, who was so bonny that I felt it necessary to draw the raid’s attention to the vision I had discovered. The word “Pervship” wedged itself in my mind as a replacement for “Lootship” and the long-deprecated “Gunship”, as we all stood around ogling. EDIT: During a subsequent visit on another character (in a pug!), I noticed that my muse was no longer there. Perhaps she was in counselling and suing Muradin for sexual harassment in the workplace. Ano of the Argent Dawn, sexual predator? *gulp*

    I mention this not so you know to avoid me at parties (“Ew, it’s the digicreep!”) but because it reminded me of a minor problem I had with Dragon Age which I’m now having with my newest baby alt. First, let me introduce you to Grammy.

    Grammy is a gnome warlock, created completely by accident when I was poking at the character creation screen to see what combinations were available. I had no intention of making another gnome, much less a warlock — I quite fancied something with faster LFG queue times, ta — but it was one of those occasions where the decision was made for me just by the way the character looked.

    So, Grammy. She’s seen most things. Twice. She’s old, and a bit tired — that’s why she has the minions. She has no intention of being a nice old lady handing out Werther’s Originals. You only have to look at her — wizened face, a murder of crowsfeet around her eyes, the toll of the years evident in her stare and her aging body, which makes her look like a … miniature swimsuit model???

    Waitaminute. How can you pair a face *that* damaged with the regular bouncy gnome body? In game, she’s even more horrifying that she looks here!

    This reminded me of something I’d felt when playing Dragon Age — that there was something wrong with the female body models. Ok, Morrigan (despite conforming to the string-is-tougher-than-you’d-think school of combat clothing) was a twentysomething who ran around forests all day — there’s no reason for her not to be in good shape, right?

    Morrigan dear, the Rab C. Nesbitt look is dated...

    And Leliana, well, she was a professional seductress/assassin.’Nuff said.

    I don't know where your weird combination accent came from and I don't care. *swoon*

    But why did the geriatric and mildly insane priestess outside the Chantry in Denherim have to look “ripe for worship”?

    I don't know what to say about this. *insert religious quip*

    This town appears to have opened their augmentation clinic before they opened the laundry.

    Local amenities: slurry pit, cesspool, cosmetic surgeon

    And once I’d noticed that whether highborne or low, noble or refugee, everyone had the same profile, I couldn’t *stop* noticing. It was very offputting. Seriously Bioware, you put a million different sliders for freckle density, nostril angle and septum depth in the character creator (even releasing a standalone “character creator” before the game shipped), but you couldn’t spring for more than one body model for the NPCs?

    And now Grammy. Face like a sharpei, body that could be reasonably described as “perky”.

    I’m so tired of this. Just because I don’t necessarily want to be “me” ingame doesn’t mean I need to be an olympian or a Heavy Metal cover girl. It’s 2010, and a $600 PC from Best Buy is more powerful than the mainframes used to design the stealth bomber but the best we can manage  is a single body model for each race/gender combo? Don’t be silly.

    And so back to Grammy. If you’re going to allow me to “customise” my character, let me customise my character. Not just choose between a few heads and a hairstyle or two. Let me make a mage with a beer belly and bad posture — why *wouldn’t* she be unfit, she never has to run anywhere! Let me make any kind of male character who isn’t a colossal mesomorph. And if I want to make a twisted, grumpy old lady to throw curses around and complain loudly that this would never have happened when she was a girl, *let me*.

    All of those FlagRSP descriptions featuring stunning figures and perfect skin are just a little too accurate.

    Bonus pic: I'm sure there was a good reason for running naked through the fire...

    Caveats and disclaimers

    1. No, I don’t live with my parents
    2. Or my grandparents, or any other elderly relatives
    3. When I was 16, thanks
    4. With a human female, you sicko

    Playing with others (‘ balls)


    2010 - 07.14

    I girded my loins, took the plunge, consulted a cliché dictionary and bit the bullet, and joined some total strangers to tackle raid content. That’s right, I took Centrella pugging. Centrella, the gnomish hybrid of Cher and Princess Leia. Centrella, who has precisely *zero* raiding achievements.

    Centrella, who will hate me for reposting this picture.

    I was pleasantly surprised, actually. Firstly, I was surprised to be able to join a group at all. For all three runs I saw a “LF ranged DPS for X”-type message curiously absent a “min 6.2GS, link achiv” suffix, sent a quick “I’m up for that” message and was promptly invited. I mean, ok, it wasn’t like it was ICC hardmodes or anything, it was a couple of VoA runs and the weekly (Razorscale) but still.

    Secondly, I was pleasantly surprised that people were all generally polite (if a little impatient) and there was none of the “OMG joo fail” when things went a little wrong, just a simple “oops, sorry” followed by “meh, it happens ;) ” and carry on. Stark contrast to some previous experiences.

    The weekly run was fun — Flame Lev was straightforward handled and although we had an unlucky wipe caused by a healed lagging out in patch of fire on Razorscale, the second attempt was smooth Cent was able to pick up both [Shutout] and  [A Quick Shave]. The VoA runs were also comfortable, although I did manage to pull aggro on the trash before Toravon —  I blame Omen and the periodic “I’m not going to show you any threat info for this fight” bug I seem to get.  Even better, I was the only mage in the group when the Bloodmage Gloves dropped, leaving me with two more frosty badgers required for 2pc T10. Woot!

    This post over at Pew Pew Lazerz thankfully reminded what to do with the “frozen orbs”, and also reminded me to check recount afterward. Upshot: much the same, but smaller numbers. Forewarned, I did 1/3 of my damage to the balls  and felt smugly self-satisfied in a most unattractive way.

    Just in case you’ve never thought about it, here’s the mage-eye view of the Toravon fight: Buff, pew-pew-pew-owait-i-have-to-kill-frozen-balls-pew-pew-balls-pew-pew-balls-pew-pew-balls-pew-pew-pew lootz.

    As luck would have it, earlier in the evening Ano had spent some more time wiping on Halion. And watching purple balls. This got me thinking about fight mechanics and Blizzard’s evident testicular obsession. Herewith a quick rundown of some encounters I have personally experienced:

    Any more?

    Balls, balls, balls. Between this, encounters like Rotface, and the proposed /flirt emotes for goblins (Ever rode a rocket before? Mine’s huge and He asked me to go up on him for example), you could tell me that the design department have an average age of 12 and I’d be relatively unsurprised.

    *snigger*

    *shamed*

    Please Blizzard, let me rename my guild


    2010 - 06.27

    What a terrible guild name

    No, not the raiding guild. Not the “top guild on the server” (hehe), of course not that.

    When I moved my level 80s to a new server I left behind a small collection of low level alts (max level 30, excluding the DK) including Gwyd, the character I’m levelling with Bryn. I was toodling around in Stormwind on one of them when I spotted someone “selling a guild” in trade, and thought: “Aha! Somewhere to keep all of these characters, without having to hang out in SW bugging random unguilded people to ‘please sign my guild charter’.” I had a quick chat with the seller, arranged to meet him in Darnassus and suddenly Stora, my baby priest cloth warehouse, was a guild leader.

    Of a guild called killers.

    No problem, says I. I’ll just have a look in the guild interface and it’ll be no … problem … er … hmm. Ok, there’s no “rename this guild” option here. I’ll probably have to go somewhere and buy a “scroll of guild renaming” for a few gold or something. I’ll do some googling.

    [Alt-tabbage]

    Shit.

    So, it seems that unless my guildname is against the terms of service and I report myself, there’s no way to change the name of a guild once it’s been established. And, unless I missed it, “stupid” is unfortunately not something the terms of service covers. So we’re stuck with it, I think. Aren’t we?

    *shamed*

    Don’t let me break your raid


    2010 - 04.27

    First up: go read this post about the recruit-a-friend system by Alas if you haven’t already. In it, she argues that the triple experience bonus you get when playing with your RAFbuddy is a bit too much, and contributes to the number of people bimbling around at level 80 in search of a clue (any clue) by rocketing people to 80 before they’ve had a chance to learn how to play their class and their role in groups.

    I can’t comment on her site at the moment for some reason (fesking javascript errors) but in response to one question, “how are recruited friends supposed to learn”, I think the answer is “we teach them”. Excuse me while I imagine Blizzard’s thinking…

    “We want more people to play the game, because that earns us more money and we can buy more ponies yachts. People bringing their friends in is a good way of doing that. Problem is, a) experienced players might not feel like leveling yet another alt, and b) their friends might get a bit frustrated if the sales line is from their friend is “epic 25man battles with elder gods” but they then have to spend the next 8 weeks hunting for boar sphincters. So: we give them triple experience when they play together. The new player levels up really quickly. The recruiter can powerlevel another alt if they want, and they can explain how things work to their friend. More champagne, Jeeves.”

    There is, however, only so much you can do. You can’t be there, wiping your RAFriend’s nose and shoving them out of the fire *all* the time. From their point of view, “not like that, like *this*” would probably get a bit tiresome after a while – part of the reason we play games is to discover things for ourselves, after all. So what to do?

    A training raid
    Consider the idea of a designated “learning” raid, which all people who wanted to raid would have to complete. This would be a relatively short encounter which featured a couple of core mechanics from raiding instances – a few trash pulls, some basic crowd control and a boss or two with relatively simple, common mechanics: “don’t stand here, don’t do <egg> while <bacon>, make sure you <currant> when the <bun> is <toasted>”. The key feature, however, would be gear normalization. No matter what gear you’re wearing (provided you meet a minimum standard), you gear is adjusted so that all raiders have roughly equivalent gear. Whether via a simple “Soldiers! Quickly now: we must remain undetected. Put on these guards’ uniforms!” mechanic where all members of a class/spec are temporarily forced into identical gear, or just by scaling stat values back to consistent levels, this would hopefully prevent people brute forcing their way through by massively overgearing the encounter. Perhaps players would be forced to learn to *play* instead?

    Downsides
    New players could find themselves with no-one to group with (in the same way that it’s near-impossible to complete some of the Icecrown quest chains now because of the phasing). This could be alleviated by making this a selectable option for the “raid finder” interface: as a new raider, it’s your only option until you’ve completed it. Once you’ve completed it, it’s a tickbox – “include <learning raid> in your random selection?”. Rewards could also be experience dependent – one set of rewards (perhaps just a “raider” tabard) for people completing it for the first time, other rewards (gear? Badges/points/whatever they’ve renamed them?) for those choosing to help out new players. Vanity trinket for running the training dungeon 100 times once you’re qualified?  [The Blackboard Eraser] On use: causes a cloud of chalk dust to appear around target. Target appears in school uniform and emotes with “child” voice for 30s. Appends “, sir!” or “, miss!” to all text chat.

    It might be seen as similar to the old attunement mechanics (which don’t seem to be missed by many). I wasn’t playing when these were in place so my understanding is fuzzy (and potentially wrong), but hopefully a single “attunement” for *all* raiding wouldn’t be so terribly onerous.

    Tuning the difficulty level would also be very tricky – this might be the major sticking point. It would be very easy to design the encounter to be ez-mode. It would be just as easy to make it so hard that new raiders would be completely discouraged. Possibly the new tutorial system could help out here: for those without the “Take the training wheels off my raid” achievement, it would pop up various helpful prompts.

    All of these things will never “fix” the players who just don’t want to learn — but there’s no way to do that. It might be really useful for people who are inexperienced (*cough*) and keen to learn (*cough cough*), and would help us them feel more confident if they had an official “You are now raid ready” badge (*splutter*).

    Ahem.

    Wanted: raiding guild for brand-new raider


    2010 - 04.23

    UPDATE TO THE PREFACE: Gah, I forgot I’d scheduled this. I’ve now exchanged emails with a couple of lovely people, so to be completely clear, this is more joke than an actual want ad.

    PREFACE: I wrote this at the same time I wrote yesterday’s oh-noes-I-must-find-a-new-guild post, and thought I’d post it a day or two later as a follow-up. I wasn’t remotely expecting people to respond with anything other than sympathy. I also wasn’t expecting to see any activity in my current guild.

    That said, this still makes me giggle so it’s getting posted anyway. And Alas might get a smile from the last point in “you will be” — I swear that wasn’t edited in.

    Wanted: raiding guild for brand-new raider.

    You will be: Friendly. Tolerant of totally noob raiders. Willing to explain strategies. Interested in seeing the content and not skipping every RP event ASAP. Prepared to revisit Naxx/Ulduar/etc. Intolerant of asshats. Polite when reminding new raiders not to stand in the fire/acid/spew/pit of death. Funny in guild chat. Socially diverse. Mostly able to spell.

    I will be: Inexperienced. Slightly resistant to watching a video of every encounter before I first visit it. Willing to read strategy upon strategy. Likely to get things wrong on the first attempt or two. Or three, I don’t know yet. Clad from head-to-foot in gear purchased with badgers from random HCs. (Hopefully) adequately gemmed/enchanted. Relatively poor, so not really capable of quickly regemming/re-enchanting if *not* adequately gemmed/enchanted. “Witty” in guild chat. Verbose.  Likely to write about things that happen on a blog.

    It’s an enticing prospect, isn’t it. I think suitable guilds (of which there must be thousands, right? Right…? Hello?) will be lined up around the block to pickup a new team member like me. Why wouldn’t they?

    Hey. Why are you all looking away? Hello, I’m over here…

    I can’t see this as being anything but a struggle. Judging by the blogs I’m reading, even alt runs are all doing ICC. Either that, or doing hardmodes/achievement runs in older content. Guilds which *are* recruiting are looking to fill spaces for their progression runs, wherever they are in the sequence. Very few will have the patience to bring along a noob raider.

    *sigh*

    I guess it’s off to the realm forums for me. *shudder*